Black
Black & Blue is the third episode of season one of Paradise PD. Synopsis Gerald shoots himself in the leg, and goes viral on every politically-biased news outlet on television. Liberal news networks call him racist being a cop, who shot a black man, and Conservative networks call him a black thug, who got rightfully shot by a cop. Meanwhile, Stanley gets sent to a retirement home. Plot Robby and Delbert buy guns from a Russian Mobster in exchange for Argyle Meth. Meanwhile, Gina and Fitz spy on them from behind a crate, planning their attack but they need to wait for the right time. Fitz gets put on edge and he gets ready to play his Piccolo to calm himself down. Gina urges him not to blow his piccolo because it would blow their cover. Eventually, Robby, Delbert, and the mobsters get into a Mexican standoff and this terrifies Fitz into playing the piccolo, blowing their cover. Gina has to wing it so she springs into action and kicks the crap out of all of the criminals, just barely saving her skin. Fitz congratulates her and himself, despite himself not being responsible for saving them. Gina screams and cusses at Fitz for being such a reckless dumbass. Bullet tries to go into the evidence locker, but his key doesn't work. Randall tells him that he changed the lock because he was sick of Bullet smoking all of the drugs in there. Kevin investigates the recent crime involving Argyle Meth and says that with all of the information provided, it's clear that Terry Two-Toes wasn't the kingpin of the corporation after all but Randall once again dismisses his conspiracy as bullshit. Just then, Hopson shits his adult diaper and Randall has to change it. At this point, he is sick of dealing with the old man and decides it's time to send him to Heaven's Lobby Nursing Home. He doesn't want Stanley to know he's going to a retirement home, so he lies, saying that he's going on an undercover mission there. Stanley believes this and Randall makes Bullet take him there. Just before Hopson is sent off, Randall gives him a pension, saying "Do Not Resuscitate". Fitz comes into the room, playing "Yankee Doodle" on his piccolo, and Gina covers her ears, annoyed. Gina complains to Randall about Fitz and suggests they fire him but Randall refuses because Fitz has been the best token ethnic minority on their police force since the late Blackie Chan. Fitz explains that he needs to play his piccolo because of his PTSD. He still remembers the day he worked at his old police station in Chicago, where he and his partner responded to a call about a shark attack in a bomb factory. Gina demands that Fitz carries an actual gun instead of a piccolo and Fitz decides he should probably try to do that. He puts a gun in his pocket, even though it unnerves him and Dusty bites the head off of a pigeon. Bullet brings Hopson to Heaven's Lobby Nursing Home and Dr. Johann welcomes him in. Hopson uses the pseudonym "Murky Sparkles", still believing this to be an undercover mission. Bullet instantly abandons Murky but as he leaves, he notices that the old folks at the place are taking tons of medicinal drugs such as Vicodin, Percocet, and OxyContin. Bullet goes into a room with a bunch of these drugs and the old lady in the room he enters mistakes him for her dead pet dog from childhood, Fifi. This gives Bullet the perfect opportunity to pretend to be Fifi and live with her, doing drugs all day long. Fitz goes on a night watch, patrolling the streets with his gun but he gets really scared by everything he sees. He finally snaps, when he sees his own reflection in the window of Bulletproof Glass Co., thinking it's some other criminal with a gun. Fitz shoots his own reflection but the bullet bounces off of the bulletproof glass and hits him in the leg. At first, Fitz thinks it's his dick and he screams "No! Not my dick!" only to find out it was just his leg. He gets up and feels relieved that nobody saw what happened. However, the next day, the incident is all over the news and Anderson Cooper is talking about it on CNN News. Randall sees the news and he gets super mad because the news is saying that the cops of Paradise PD are racist and they always shoot minorities. Randall tells Fitz that he needs to go on the news and explain to them the true story so they can clear their name. Fitz wonders how the news got access to his dash cam footage. Fitz goes on CNN News for a live interview. People on the left accuse Fitz of being a racist cop who shoots black people, while the people on the right accuse Fitz of being a black thug, who deserved to get shot. Neither of them seem to entertain the fact that Fitz is a black cop who shot himself. Ana Navarro starts a protest, where they protest for the justice of "G-Fitz" and Michael Caputo opposes this, calling Fitz a thug, deserving of the shooting. Paradise PD gets in a lot of trouble, when a bunch of Black Lives Matter Protesters start protesting outside of their building. Randall rants at Fitz for failing to solve the problem. Gina once again states that Fitz is a bad cop and he should get fired. She also reveals that she was the one who leaked his dashcam footage to the news. Karen enters and says she's going to put an end to the chaos by holding a Black Lives Matter rally at Paradise Fairgrounds. However, Randall completely disagrees with her method and holds a Blue Lives Matter rally at the same fairgrounds. Both of them expect Fitz to show up at their rallies. Fitz has no idea how he's going to show up at both of the rallies and Kevin says that he'll help him by making him play both sides. The news about the situation only gets more out of hand. On FOX News, Sean Hannity describes Fitz as a thug, while Rachel Maddow on MSNBC describes him as a racist. The old lady dresses Bullet up in a bunch of bows and dresses, still believing him to be Fifi and Bullet, high as a kite, is perfectly fine with it. Hopson comes in and tells Bullet that there's an "Employees Only" door in the retirement home that leads to a weird place, where they're doing horrible things to the senior citizens. Bullet just passes this off as more of Stanley's crazy rambling. At the Paradise Fairgrounds, Kevin has Fitz play the "good guy" when he attends both rallies. At the Blue Lives Matter protest, Fitz identifies as the heroic cop who shot a black guy and at the Black Lives Matter protest, Fitz identifies as the innocent black guy who got shot by a cop. He switches back and forth and just when he's about to keep up with the ruse, Old McDonald comes in with a bunch of pigs. Fitz trips over a pig and before he can take his thuggish hoodie off, he stumbles right into the Blue Lives Matter Protest and yells about how he wants to kill all of the fucking pigs, butting him on the bad side of the cops. Kevin yanks him backstage but then Old McDonald's bag of food covers Fitz's head and Fitz stumbles into the Black Lives Matter protest. Fitz looks like a Ku Klux Klan member with that bag over his head and since it obscures his vision, he shouts "All I see is black and I hate it!" getting him on the bad side of them too. The curtains separating the two protests fall down and the cops and blacks see each other and get into a huge fight, causing absolute madness all over the place. Bullet looks through the retirement home for Hopson and goes into the "Employees Only" room that he mentioned before. There, he finds a bunch of old people all trapped inside of some capsules, including Hopson. Riots continue outside of the police department and race relations only get worse. Kevin notices that Fitz starts to go completely insane. Fitz begins having an identity crisis. Karen comes in and settles everything. She says that Fitz is the victim, so she arrests him. Upon being arrested, Gina confiscated Fitz's piccolo, making Fitz go completely mad, losing control of who he is. Fitz goes to court and experiences dual personalities. One of his personalities is the cop and the other one is the thug. Both of his personalities banter back and forth with each other. Gina thinks they should intervene with the situation and so she gets Dusty to join her. Dr. Johann finds Bullet and learns that he's discovered their secret. He explains that what he does is that he graphs the DNA of sea creatures onto the bodies of senior citizens and then harvests the growths and makes them into the food from Red Lobster. Bullet says that when he gets out of there, he's going to tell everyone but Dr. Johann appeals to reason, saying that if that happens, then Red Lobster will be closed down. Bullet allows this secret to be kept under wraps because he likes Red Lobster and couldn't bear to have it be closed down forever. Fitz' dual personalities take each other hostage and walk out of the courtroom. Gina drives by and shoves Fitz into the car and drives off with them. Dusty, who sits in the back of the car asks what the plan is, as all of the major news outlets chase after them. Gina drives them into the woods, where she takes out a leather bag, containing a bunch of costumes that they all put on. When the news outlets finally track the three down, they find that Fitz is wearing a MAGA hat, while anal raping Dusty, who is dressed as a fat transgender NRA-supporting Islamic woman, performing an abortion on Gina, who is dressed as a Pro-Life LGBT Nazi. To make things even more confusing, Fitz shouts out a bunch of random political terms like "New World Order", "9/11 Was an Outside Job", "Fake News", "False Flags" and "Chem Trails"! All of the major news outlets have absolutely no idea what to say about this because it's so politically confusing, there's no way to twist the story to fir their own rhetorics. This pretty much puts an end to the controversy, saving the day. The day has been saved and the cops all celebrate by eating at Red Lobster. Gina gives Fitz his piccolo back and says that he can keep it since things are actually a lot better when he has it. Fitz and Gina reconcile and they go back to normal. Randall tells Hopson that it's time for him to go back to the nursing home. However, Hopson now has enough fish DNA to give him a giant lobster claw as one of his arms and he's figured out that the "mission" he was sent on wasn't really a mission at all. Hopson uses his claw to grab Randall around the neck, threatening him to let him stay on the police force. Choking for his own life, Randall lets Hopson back onto the police force again. Characters Major Roles *Kevin Crawford *Randall Crawford *Bullet *Gina Jabowski *Dusty Marlowe *Gerald Fitzgerald *Stanley Hopson *Dr. Johann *Anderson Cooper *Sean Hannity *Black Lives Matter Protesters *Blue Lives Matter Protesters *Karen Crawford Minor Roles *Robby *Delbert *Russian Mobster *Old Retirement Home Lady *Ana Navarro *Michael Caputo *Rachel Maddow *Old McDonald *Judge Judge *Mrs. Marlowe (Voice Only) *Blackie Chan (Pictured) *Fifi (Pictured) *Boris Badenov (Pictured) *Donald Trump, Jr. (Pictured) *Terry Two-Toes (Mentioned) Trivia *Gerald needs to play his piccolo to calm himself down. However, the legitimacy of this "thera-flute-ic" exercise, is something to be argued, since his therapist, Dr. Larry also owns a music store, and could just be conning him out of his money. *Paradise PD used to have an Asian officer named Blackie Chan, but he died in 2016. Afterwards, they replaced him with Gerald. *Gerald starts to reminisce about the incident that gave him PTSD. This took place in 2014 on Christmas day. He and his "partner" were responding to a call, regarding a shark breaking loose at the bomb factory. This could have been foreshadowing to how he is in cahoots with Santa Claus. *Dusty has a pigeon-eating addiction. *Paradise PD's gun safety motto is "We ain't got no gun safety motto." *For their 10th wedding anniversary, Randall took Karen to Tijuana, and put her in a live donkey sex show. Continuity *It was mentioned in "Welcome to Paradise", that the police department couldn't afford the pension for Stanley to retire. Since then, they have finally raised enough money to have him get sent to Heaven's Lobby Nursing Home. Cultural References *Robby tells his vampire-esque gun-dealer that he sounds like Count Dracula from Sesame Street. *Robby makes the joke "Calm down Vladimir, or I'm Putin a bullet in your ass." This is a reference to the Russian president, Vladimir Putin. *When Gerald asks Gina if she wanted him to play a song, she tells him "Shove it up your asshole, you God damned twat-waffle." and Gerald responds, saying that he doesn't know any Anne Murray. *Bullet sings a parody of The Farmer and The Dell, when going to fetch some drugs from the evidence room. *Randall and Dusty compare Stanley's pubes to David Letterman's beard and Betty White with a dead snake in her mouth, respectively. *Gerald plays Yankee Doodle on his flute, when walking into the building with Gina. *Blackie Chan is a parody on "Jackie Chan". *Randall references the movie, "Full Metal Jacket", by telling the dearly departed Asian man, Blackie Chan, "We miss you long time." *News channels like CNN and FOX are parodied for being politically-biased. *Red Lobster makes another appearance, following it's debut in "Welcome to Paradise" and it's special, "Lobstober Fest" is also mentioned. *The subplot between Hopson and Bullet is a parody of Soylent Green, particularly when Bullet says "Red Lobster is old people?!" *Dusty had Chris Pratt climb up and down his taint for two days, filming "Jurassic World." *This episode makes fun of the political movements, Black Lives Matter and Blue Lives Matter. *Gerald dressed up as Mr. T for Halloween. *shows a picture of Rocky & Bullwinkle, depicting Boris Badenov lightning a cartoon bomb with Donald Trump, Jr. *Michael Caputo thought the movie, "Black Panther" sucked. *The old lady in the retirement home watches "Wheel of Fortune" with Bullet. *Bullet likens weed-smoking to giving Willie Nelson a blowjob. Category:Episodes